4. The worst part… the unknown while waiting

Sarah here. I’m sitting at my desk, bouncing in my chair, thinking of all the things we could possibly do to prepare even more than we already have. Do we need to buy more clothes in all the sizes in our age range? It’s a little chilly outside, should we buy jackets in various sizes, we don’t have this, that, and the other thing. What if we get a baby and we need more bottles? What if we get a toddler and need to rush to baby proof better than we have? What if, what if, what if.
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=izVb3SYbx4o%5D

We have opened ourselves up to a bit more anxiety by being so open in what we will accept as well as when they can call us. Of the 100+ characteristics of a child they asked if we would be open to taking we said “NO” to less than 6. What if they call with placement of a medically fragile child. Will we say yes? What would that mean to our family? Not only are we open to a wide variety of personality/medical/behavioral characteristics,  but we are also open to any gender, any race, and 0-3 years old. Do you prepare for 3 year old African American boy differently than you would a 1 year old Hispanic girl? Of course you do. When either is an option, what do you do? We are also open to being called 24 hours a day/ 7 days a week. Emergency placements or transfer of home. We are open to all the possibilities! How do you plan for a call at 3am? Noon on a Tuesday?

These questions and a million more keep racing through our minds. How will our parents and families welcome this child into their lives? Our decision impacts them as well.  How will they react when they take the pinion to the store and they get the side glances and outright stares? What about when those brave enough to ask “are those YOURS?” Shame on people for asking such a bold and rude question but that doesn’t stop it from happening. How will we all respond in those situations? We are lucky to have exceptionally welcoming and loving families, so I’m sure we don’t have anything to worry about… but it is something to wonder.

What kind of family will the pinion come with? Are they the family that you hear about that reports the foster parents for abuse any opportunity they get? Will we get lucky and get to work with a family that is truly striving to get things situated for the betterment of the child? Are we silly to hope that is the case? How will we handle the moment when we are told that the child is going back to their birth parents? Will we be happy for the family and then grieve the hole that is in our family? Will we be frustrated? Will we be stronger together as we get through it or will that tug on our strong relationship?

This is what we talk about behind closed doors at night and what we individually wonder whenever we have a spare moment. Are we ready? Are we the best parents for this/these child(ren)?

So if you ask us how we are doing, and we smile and say good. Just know that there is a million possible scenarios running through out minds/our home as we prepare for our future child and we are thankful that you care enough to join us on this turbulent journey. We know we couldn’t do it without you and your support! We are lucky to know that we have so many friends and family in our corner.Please know that support is not something we take for granted!

Off to ponder more what ifs!