How to Regulate Your Emotions in the Heat of the Moment

Let’s be honest—staying calm while parenting is easier said than done. 

You want to respond with patience, but when your child is yelling, refusing, or melting down, you can feel your own emotions start to boil. 

And before you know it, you're snapping, yelling, or walking away in frustration… and then comes the guilt. 

The truth is: you’re not a bad parent. You’re a human parent. 

And like all humans, your nervous system has limits. When stress piles up, your ability to think clearly, speak kindly, and stay connected gets hijacked. That’s why emotional regulation is one of the most powerful parenting tools—and why it needs to start with you. 

Why Regulating Your Emotions Matters 

Your calm sets the tone for your child’s calm. Kids look to us for cues on how to respond to stress. When they see us breathe through frustration, pause before reacting, or own our mistakes, they learn that big feelings don’t have to lead to big explosions. 

And when we lose our cool regularly, even unintentionally, it teaches kids that anger is how we solve problems—or that certain emotions are unsafe to express. 

But here’s the good news: you don’t have to be perfectly calm all the time. You just need to learn how to come back to calm more quickly and model that process out loud. 

What Happens in Your Brain During Stress 

When you feel triggered—by whining, refusal, backtalk—your brain goes into protection mode. Your thinking brain (prefrontal cortex) takes a back seat while your survival brain (amygdala) kicks in. 

You might feel: 

• A racing heart
• Clenched fists
• A loud inner voice saying “Make it stop!”

This is totally normal—but in that moment, your ability to parent intentionally is limited. That’s why learning to recognize these signals and pause before reacting is key. 

How to Regulate in the Heat of the Moment 

Here are some real-life, doable tools to help you stay calm—even when things get heated: 

1. Pause before reacting 

Take one full breath. Or two. Or ten. That space between the trigger and your reaction is where your power is. 

2. Name your feeling 

Silently or aloud, say: “I’m feeling overwhelmed right now.” Naming the emotion helps you re-engage the thinking part of your brain. 

3. Lower your voice 

Try the opposite of what you feel. When kids are yelling, we instinctively want to raise our voices. Instead, speak softer. It signals calm and helps de-escalate the moment. 

4. Use a grounding strategy 

Focus on one physical thing—press your feet into the floor, touch something cold, or clench and release your hands. These physical cues help your brain know you’re safe. 

5. Give yourself a reset phrase 

Create a simple mantra like, “I can do hard things calmly,” or “I am the calm in the chaos.” Repeat it when you feel overwhelmed. 

What If You Mess Up? 

You will. We all do. 

What matters most is what you do after the moment. Repair is a powerful part of parenting. Saying “I was frustrated and I yelled. I’m sorry. I’m working on staying calmer,” is a beautiful lesson in emotional accountability. 

It’s not about perfection—it’s about progress. And the more you practice, the easier it becomes. 

You Can Be the Calm in the Chaos 

You don’t have to feel peaceful every second of the day. But you do have the power to pause, breathe, and choose a different response. Over time, your children will feel safer, more connected, and more regulated—because your energy teaches them what calm looks like. 

You’re already doing so much. Taking time to work on your own regulation is a gift not just to your kids, but to yourself.